


We had some good machines but they don't work no more

by Aaronlisa



Category: Dollhouse
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-03
Updated: 2012-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-28 19:19:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaronlisa/pseuds/Aaronlisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a fine line between the truth and the lies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We had some good machines but they don't work no more

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scratchingpost1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scratchingpost1/gifts).



> A look at Claire's de-evolution back into Whiskey at the end of the series.

When she had been a little girl, she had always dreamed of becoming a doctor. She had always wanted to help people, to save them, to make them feel better.

 _That was nothing more than a lie created by Topher Brink. Claire was never a little girl._

When she had been a young woman, attending university, she had had her heart broken by a callous and egotistical young man who thought that becoming a doctor was the route to riches and becoming god.

 _She had never met the young man because he had never existed but her mind had always made him look just a little bit like Topher Brink. The only difference was that the man fro her memory never had a fondness for juice boxes or sweater vests._

When she had first joined the dollhouse, she had been so intrigued by it all. She had thought that she was doing great work. They were saving people, making people feel something that they couldn't feel because of modern society's culture.

 _This was another lie. She had never willingly joined the Dollhouse. She had never thought that they did any good. Or at least that's what she tells herself. But at the end of the day she will never really know what lead her to the Dollhouse. That woman is long gone, backed up on a hard drive somewhere in the Dollhouse._

Even before Alpha attacked her, she started to feel disillusioned about her work. She could no longer view what she did with rose-tinted glasses. The Dollhouse was nothing more than a brothel, it's employees were pimps. The actives were sent out on the occasional good deed engagement but the majority were all romantic.

 _Another lie but her disillusionment is real. It doesn't matter that Topher created her to be his consciousness. What they do is wrong. They have the power to do so much good but they spend so much of their time stroking the ego (along with other body parts) of the immensely rich who don't want to waste their time on making a real connection when they can buy._

After she realizes who she is, after Topher owns up to what he's done, to the fact that he's created her, she realizes that nothing was ever real. She was never anything but a construct made out of an useless doll, a dead man's memories and a genius' desire to play God.

 _This might be the one true thing in her life. But she's not quite sure. How is she to know that these feelings aren't just another thing created by Topher?_

Boyd comes into her life. He makes her feel things that she never thought that she would ever feel. (Not since that young man from her university days.) He tells her that there's no need for her to take scalding hot showers every night as she tries to wash off the sins of another woman's life. He tells her that she's not Whiskey but that she's Claire, a real living woman with a real living woman's needs and wants. He teaches her to love, to feel, to need.

 _Out of all the lies, Boyd's are the worse. It makes her wonder if Alpha was the only one who was ever true. He had cut her when she was Whiskey to make Echo number one. His jealousy of her position, of her place in the Dollhouse was honest. Topher then created her to be nothing more than a foil to his role in the house. And Boyd awakened her with false kisses so that he could use her against Echo and the others._

When they return to the Dollhouse, Topher tires to fix her but it's never the same. There are things that she can't quite recall, things that get lost in her Swiss-cheese memory. She can hear Echo, Adelle and Topher whispering about it. She's been programmed too many times, there's a corruption in the program, if they try to fix it, they can kill her. It's Echo who tells them not to. Echo who says that Claire's a real woman, who doesn't deserve to have her head tinkered with.

 _It's a cruel but sweet lie. Claire knows the truth. She even remembers more than what they think she does. She knows what it felt like to be Clyde and she enjoyed hurting Echo. She knows what it was like to be Whiskey. She can remember some of the engagements, some of the other lies. She can even remember what Boyd had told her in the end. It was more lies but she had believed him when he told her that her sacrifice would save the world. It wasn't noble in the end._

In the end, she stays behind the Dollhouse. The real world scares her now. She'd rather stay in the safety of the Dollhouse. It's all she's ever really known. The luxurious apartment supplied by the Dollhouse had never been a home to her. The apartment where she made love to Boyd before he betrayed her had been nothing more than window dressing. She has no where to go so she stays. And she thinks that maybe she can lead others to Safe Haven and Echo.

 _The lie that she tells herself is the worse of them all. There's some truth in her reasons to stay. She stays because she is afraid of the real world. It's never been a kind place to her. She knows that if she leaves, she might be of some use to the survivors in their new home but she doesn't know if she can properly function outside of the Dollhouse. So she stays, but not because she wants to guide others to safety. There's no desire to help others. She's played the role of the good doctor far too long._

Despite her loathing for the imprint room, it's surprising how easily she can set things up. She shivers when the moment is finally ready, when she loosely places herself in the chair and engages the program. She sighs as the familiarity of the situation takes hold.

 _Claire is gone. There are no more lies. Just a pale ghost, with faint scar lines on her face who wanders the empty halls of the Dollhouse as she waits._

((END))


End file.
